Chapter 0 - Prologue

My name is Ren Miyano, 30 years old.

I’m just a part-timer.

 

Even though I’m a part-timer, I studied at a university and did some job hunting.

But it’s not something to be proud of.

 

I always run away from everything when it’s a bit problematic.

For example, in junior high school, I was in a club at first but I started slacking off and stopped attending. After that, I saw that there was already a big gap between me and the others.

That’s why I didn’t join any clubs in high school.

 

When I was taking the university entrance exams, I thought I would try my best at first, soon

I got tired of it and I invited my friends that I’m always with to hang out, but they wouldn’t say no. Eventually, I lost all my friends.

After the exams, I failed most of the universities and the only one accepted me was the so-called F-rank university.

It is the lowest ranked university.

 

Coincidentally, the friend who refused my invitation went to a national university.

I heard that he got married recently.

 

After I entered university, I did a lot of things, like clubs and part-time jobs.

I’ve started studying for the TOEIC to try to get a qualification.

Eventually, all of it didn’t work out right away and I quit.

 

I get bored easily, I try all kinds of things and give up soon after 3 days.

But I started something new right away.

Like muscle training, or playing a guitar.

Well, this is just another example.

 

So, when I turned to 4th grade and hurriedly began my job hunting, I started to realize things.

 

ーーOh, I don’t know anything. What?

 

While everyone around me was enthusiastically talking about their winning awards, studying abroad, or starting a business, I had nothing that I could say to people like that.

 

I felt really embarrassed at the time.

I had a lot of time.

I just spent every day slacking off and not thinking about anything.

 

There were a lot of challenges for me at that time, but I was shallow and quit as soon as I got tired of it and ran away.

How am I going to beat them now?

When the interview started, the interviewer asked me right away.

「What did you do when you were a student?」

「What are your strong points?」

 

A very common question.

 

I had been practicing this for a long time.

But when I talk about the somewhat exaggerated or inferior content I’ve prepared after those who have really worked hard, it’s like declaring that I haven’t done anything like that.

 

Ah, I want to leave this place as soon as possible.

I was thinking about that,

 

「Ah…」

 

My mind went blank.

 

I couldn’t say anything.

I was speechless.

 

I left immediately after complaining that I got sick.

 

Yes, I ran away.

 

In the end, the job hunting did not go well until the end.

 

Then I became a part-timer, like before, and if things didn’t work out, I’ll quit and go to a new place again.

 

While I was doing that, my twenties ended this year.

I think that growing up means that I no longer think about anything even if I am offended.

 

As I got angry many times, I realized that my emotions were dying.

Every day I bow and pray that those who get angry easily will be gone sooner.

And today, I failed again and bowed my head and said, 「I’m sorry」.

 

「・・・」

 

But today was different.

I didn’t get mad at him for some reason.

 

When I looked up at his face, I did not see any signs of anger from him.

Instead, it was with that expression mixed with contempt and astonishment.

 

「You, you don’t have to come anymore.」

 

Those words touched my heart rather than being angry.

 

I always think I have to look for a new job, but this time I certainly heard something crumbling.

Something that I have managed to protect with various excuses.

 

On my way home as usual.

My hands and feet are freezing cold and my breath is white.

Speaking of unusual things, the area in front of the station is awfully decorated today.

 

「Oh, I see. Today is Christmas…」

I used to look forward to it every year, but recently I didn’t care about it .

 

There are couples everywhere, they look happy.

Compared to them, I am…

 

ーーSometimes I wonder.

I wonder why I’m still alive

If I die right now, will there be anyone who will mourn me?

 

I don’t keep in touch with any of my high school friends anymore, and neither do my college friends.

I’ve been alone lately.

I was even fired from my part-time job, no one even needed me.

 

Then, I won’t bother anyone even if I die, right?

If that’s the case…

「Look out!」

Suddenly, I heard a voice behind me.

Everyone looks at me because of that voice.

What is it?

 

ーーI looked beside me and saw a large vehicle in front of me.

 

Apparently, it seemed to have appeared before I knew it.

Actually, it was already the limit.

Body and mind

.

 

I feel the time flowing slowly throughout my body.

 

Is this the end?

When I thought about it, I was struck by fear and anxiety all at once.

 

I see, I don’t want to die yet.

I realized again that what I thought earlier was a lie.　

 

I only have one life, and I can;t just run away and die like this.

No one wants to be like that.

 

Please…

I know it’s selfish.

I know it’s too late.

 

「But, one more time.」

 

A dull thud resounds through the air.

My whole body hurts.

I can’t feel anything anymore.

But it hurts to know that my body temperature is dropping.

 

ーーOh, I’m going to die.

 

The sounds of the surroundings are getting farther and farther away.

 

If I hadn’t given up on club activities when I was in high school, I wonder if I would still have friends.

I wonder if I had worked harder instead of playing when I took the college entrance exams, I would have gotten into a better college.

If I had continued to not give up on everything when I was a college student, I wonder if I would have been able to talk about myself fully at that time.

ーーー This is not something I should think about when I’m on the verge of death.

 

It’s all too late, I …

 

And this is where I lost my consciousness.